Have you ever had one of those days when for the life of you, you just could not get things to come together? You know, times when no matter how hard you tried, things seemed amiss and confused? Haven’t you had a time or two in your life when you looked around and tried to find a place to rest, or to hide and there was no place to be had?
As I sit at this keyboard, I am having one of those times. I know I am supposed to be witty or engaging. Much to my amusement, I am supposed to lay some pastoral wisdom at your doorstep with this writing, knowing full well that the name Tony Rowell is anything but synonymous with wisdom. When I sit at this desk, something of substance is supposed to come flowing from my mind and onto the paper; and yet I’ve got nothing, nada, just a blank page and a mind that refuses to slip into gear.
I figured that if I just started writing, something would come; you know like a modern day Abraham of literature. “Get up and start writing, Tony, and when you are half way through, I will tell you what it is all about.” Well, apparently I am not halfway through. That being said I know that I must carry on. It’s my job after all. Jessica has reserved a spot in the Advocate for this writing, and I have to deliver. I can’t just sit here and mope. It would be embarrassing for my photo to be there on the page with nothing but a vast white desert beneath it; but what am I to do? My mind is refusing to work with me. My gray cells have all gone black. Instead of a lightning storm in my head as the synapses fire willy-nilly, I have a beautiful clear evening going on. As my Granny would say, I am in a pickle.
I actually just considered going off on a tangent about how to make pickles. Trust me, it isn’t easy. I’ve tried.
I suppose I will have to keep on writing. I will either write until you lose patience and give up on me or something coalesces in my mind. I have to admit, though, that I am a bit frustrated. I was under the impression that if I was willing to do His will that God would give me a better idea of what that will was. Man, that didn’t come out right. Let me rephrase that. I believe that if I am willing to attempt to understand and follow God’s will in a matter, then He will help guide me in my pursuit. That sounds better.
Have you ever felt like that? Frustrated with God, I mean. Don’t you have times when you wonder, like me, what God is up to? I sure hope so. I would hate to think that I was rowing this boat all by myself.
Being a Christian is hard enough without having to wonder what we are supposed to do next, isn’t it? Now don’t get me wrong. I remember the ‘Golden Rule’ and that Christ wants all of us to love one another. Nonetheless, there are times when I sure would appreciate some more specifics. How about you?
Well, believe it or not I think a revelation of sorts is beginning to dawn in my mind. Perhaps, just perhaps, God’s will is for you and me to develop so much trust in His goodness that we don’t worry about the details. Perhaps Christ wants our trust to be so great in Him that the who, what, when and wherefores pale in comparison to the “will”.
Christ wants his people to be in the business of doing His will even when we are not sure of what He is doing or our part in it. Our lives are to be under-girded with a solid, unshakable faith in Christ and His goodness. We are to be attempting His will at every opportunity.
Sometimes we are simply called to start writing and see where it leads. We are always called to live for Christ and His kingdom at every moment, even the confusing ones.
So when you start wondering what Christ is up to, remember that He knows and that should be enough. That is called faith, and a life of faith is a life well spent.
Tony Rowell
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